stupid username that i did not create:::

kill the craving.

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 19:37:05 GMT

today marks the end of public online journals and friendster-style sites for me. this decision wasn't just made in haste do to my current mess of bullshit, i've been thinking about it for a while, but i am not even gong to explain. i will be making a new livejournal that is friends only, but friends probably just means melissa konieczko.

"as we would lay and learn what each other's bodies were for"

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 02:54:44 GMT

huh.

[edit]

i've decided, for the benefit of no one but myself, to compile a list of my favorite musical artists of all time...i might ad to it...i'm just trying to figure this out in my head...

(no particular order)

modest mouse
xiu xiu
neutral milk hotel
elliott smith
radiohead
nirvana
at the drive-in
bright eyes (maybe)
built to spill

bweeow beep

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 04:40:13 GMT

you know when you see E.T.'s silhouette flying in front of the moon? i totally did that tonight.

[edit]

mysterious lies, i should say.

just for kicks

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 23:11:26 GMT

my dad sent me this sweet email today:

Josh,

I hope you are doing awesome. Got a job? Ha, Ha! Just kidding. I realize that you are so awesome and talented that a J.O.B. question might get your little panties in a wad. Besides, I know you are getting a job next month, as usual.
I didn't get a response from you when J. B. Brown died just as nothing happened when Cindy died. I guess an under educated, unwashed, misguided, ill informed, unemployed, lazy, questionable sexual aetheist is not to be troubled with death. Since you are so awesome and talented and surely know the answer. What do practioners of Aetheism do with their dead? Do yall just let em rot where they sit? Me, worship false idols? Hell, I make 'em.
I bet pious Mel is right there to support you... LOL. So I am sure that an awesome person like yourself would not be so stupid as to starve themselves to death. I hope that with all your talent and awesomeness that you are able to feed yourself and pay the bills. Wow, I may just get awesome myself....Unencumbered by religion, no morales....no job so's I don't answer to The Man...... no family obligations, no morals so I can date black nigger paficists....AWESOME....man, dat be FREEDOM.
For the Good News...... Today is your Sister's Birthday : ) She just got a scholarship offer for the Masters program at the University of KY. It pays tuition, she gets Health insurance, she gets paid to teach a class and fellowship money. Now that is truly frigging AWESOME! Not to be confused with hanging out with shitty, uneducated, straw armed, Godless punks until 5:30 am awesome, but REAL Awesome!
Now for some religion numb nuts. I'd like to teach you the meaning of purgatory. Cheryl and I are going to see Jess and you are invited along for the ride....LOL.....ROFLMAO.....my sides is killing me.......How would that be Wonder Worker?
As a child, I maybe washed a pair of your underwear once every six months or so. Now I hope that you have discovered on your on how to use the washing machine I gave you. In your awesome, far-out, coolness I hope you are managing a little cleanliness. I am not even going to try and remind you to bath every few weeks......and I know washing your hair is out of the question.
With all your awesome talent and way cool Groovy friends, I am sure that you now have your on car, phone and health insurance. Jobs are now easier to get thanks to that Most Awesome of Presidents........George Bush!!
Call me and let me know where you are working, what kind of new car you're driving, where you have phone service and how much health insurance is costing you.

Dad

aw.

thanks, jordan

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 06:55:33 GMT

put all the music in your winamp or musicmatch library on random/shuffle and post the first twenty songs. don't be ashamed.

1. bright eyes - lovers turn into monsters
2. metallica - creeping death
3. this bike is a pipe bomb - body count
4. death cab for cutie - a lack of color
5. the clash - london's burning
6. bjork - bachelorette
7. at the drive-in - 198d
8. bjork - harm of will
9. red house painters - song for a blue guitar
10. xiu xiu - hives hives
11. rancid - name
12. koufax - let us know
13. built to spill - you are
14. pinback - lyon
15. saves the day - choke
16. stars of the lid - austin, texas mental hostpital (part 3)
17. notwist - trashing days
18. the beach boys - here today
19. wrens - this is not what you had planned
20. mates of state - gotta be a problem

oh yeah

[today i ate: 3 pieces of pizza, some macaroni and cheese]

wee ooow wee weoooo weoooh

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 01:07:17 GMT

what were you doing for those 8 and a half minutes?
was it mean, was it selfish?
or did you realize that you were sorry,
and that you love them?

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 10:47:09 GMT

so it's almost six in the morning. i had a most incredicble night, but i am not even going to try to describe it as words would fail miserably (making for a pretty uninteresting post, i know...). i will say however that somehow it wound up in a downward spiral (anti-)climaxing with me and jeff irtenkauf sitting at my computer at 5:30 in the morning trying to figure out what a guy was saying in the background of a video of a snail about to have sex.

[edit]

Which Family Guy character are you?

whoa.

dee doo da da doo da

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 23:50:29 GMT

by the way. that last post... that was mainly directed towards the like primative, alpha male shithead types of society...maybe i'll explain later, i'm too hyper to type.

[new feature, today i ate: two egg rolls.]

bee budabop

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 09:03:24 GMT

to people who get drunk and then have sex whilst in said inebriated state on a regular basis i have one thing to say: i am not a fan of yours (i.e. go to hell, your existence makes me sick).

bwee bah bwee bah bwee bah bah ba bwheheheeheaaaoow

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 20:03:32 GMT

weston! WESTON!

haha. sorry i haven't listened to weston in years.

i've got nothing to say.

we've got love and hate, it's the only way...

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 04:37:55 GMT

still bored.

[edit]

i just walked into my bathroom and somehow it smelled like all these amazing, wonderful smells from my past all at once and it was so nice that i almost cried (because i just cry about dumb stuff like that and not about things people are supposed to cry about..)

bored

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 03:35:55 GMT

so bored i drew this.

schwwepow

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 05:43:56 GMT

it's time to complain.

my life is a complete pile of shit. i cannot be certain of anything. i have someone that i love very much, and they only show me that they love me back when it is conventient for them to do so. i can't even type this out. i'm a complete sick mess. i hate this. i hate it. all i can do is just sound stupid. i can't explain.

goddammit.

[edit]

i'm not going to delete that. but i wish i was a good writer and i could write this out and i didn't sound like such a dumbass.

???

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 05:58:26 GMT

"i'm a fool and not a bit proud. jump up, jump down..."

crud

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 13:25:46 GMT

it's 8:something in the morning. i have not slept.

there's two things i just want to come right out and say:

1. i am very much in love with mel dake.

2. in my humble opinion, i would say that in the aeroplane over the sea by neutral milk hotel is the most goddamned fucking amazing musical masterpiece ever recorded.

we know of an ancient radiation...

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 09:48:50 GMT

i hope that i get to have more days like i had today (okay yesterday..). hmm. please?

just like honey

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 10:14:57 GMT

it's weird that the only two movies that have ever made me cry both have bill murray in them...

shit.

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 03:01:28 GMT

i am bent out of shape.

[edit]

threaten him again. fucking threaten him ever again you fucking piece of shit.

[edit]

also. on a somewhat unrelated note. i'm tired of the "they've never done anything to me" excuse when referring to befriending or tolerating people who are complete assholes. i mean, hey, hitler never did anything to me, but i can tell you right now that he was a fucking asshole..

blast from the muthafuckin' past

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 05:09:50 GMT

yours truly

Ben Fuckin' LeGrand

Tim Chappell

Slutto

bwooow dwwow bweeow bweeow

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 03:50:10 GMT

today i went out to eat with my mom and some relatives, and that was nice, but i ate way too much. i had to go pay rent and bills and now my financial situation is looking pretty grim ("i dream of bagel"). i got to work on, and finished, a mix cd for delilah, as i have not made her one in way too long. it's one of my favorite ones i've ever made, and i made sure to make the artwork pretty "bangin.'" right now i am pretty bored, and all i want to do is smoke cigarettes. which i guess is what i will do for now. i'm probaly going to start work again on a website soon, just not really sure what exactly i am doing...

[edit]

"nobody's home and the weather's fine. i'd rather wait for you."

i do this all night

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 10:33:14 GMT

god, it makes me so sick to think about it.

i am so stupid.

...

i settled for you, just so you know.

i haven't thought about that in a really long time.

now things are so weird for everyone.

i can feel time passing a lot more now.

i feel quite helpless about everything.

i am secret.

[edit]

i regret posting this in such a public forum, because i am sure people will take it the wrong way but:

i can understand why people kill themselves now. i used to think it was really stupid. and i was just like...if things are so bad and you have given up why not just go do a bunch of crazy awesome shit. but now i understand that you can't escape your own mind...

hoodoo

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 09:04:04 GMT

tonight was rather enjoyble. jacob and i went to the collective space and messed around, and then willie showed up. we made some stencils (i made my first), and i tried mine out on one of the chairs (shhh). it was of a aqua-colored bat over a white moon. jacob and i also talked a lot of nonsense, sang crazy songs, and i ate a lot of weird snacks. enjoyable indeed.

i am am no longer overwhelmed with emotions that i don't understand when i see you. it's not that i want to have to, but maybe we should just forget about each other. i know i can't do that...but i've got to do something.

i'm creative.

des ark at 1008? maybe...

[edit]

2 years ago. i could have changed everything, maybe.

i told you

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 23:23:38 GMT

i am going to die one day.

i won't rest until i forget about it

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 21:59:46 GMT

i just realized that you can still get to my old website through the photography page (or any other page but the main page), and that it really far surpasses the site i am working on now. even my oldx2 page was really nicer, if a bit dumb. anyways, check it out:

http://enterthejosh.tripod.com/photo.html

actually, better yet, if you guys could compare the two sites and tell me what you think i would really appreciate it. i'm more worried about the design than what content is on them right now. really, if you've got the time, help me out here and let me know.

http://joshm.50free.net

and it was good.

Mon, 02 Feb 2004 08:02:52 GMT

i reached a point in my life at an exact moment tonight. a point at which i decided that i was really excited about all the beautiful things that life has to offer, and ways that i can contribute beauty to life. at that same point i decided once and for all to not concern myself with things that hurt me, and people who treat me like shit and are deceitful (ahem...). i just really needed her to lie to my face before i could really stop caring once and for all. that's only part of all this though. i always knew that that part of my life was really bad and unhealthy. i just needed to make a decision. one that i made tonight. i've got a lot of good in me, and i want to be able to share it with someone who can really appreciate it. and i do mean share. i want something in return. really, people always get all bent out of shape about life. they say things like "life sucks." but really, it's not life at all. and it's mostly that person's own fault. life doesn't suck, a lot of people do just honestly, well...suck. and it is the complainer's own fault for even giving these people the time of day. i've got exciting, creative, beautiful things to do (like listen to broken social scene..haha). i love you guys, you know who you are...and who you aren't.

they may write you letters and they may say "i'm sorry,"
but you can't believe them, they won't be with you

keep me warm until my headache is gone,
and then leave when i ask you to leave.